What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
