our cab driver is having phone sex.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
