Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
