Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
