she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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