you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
