it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
