My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
