I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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