I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
