He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
