Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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