so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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