probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
