Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
