You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
