Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
