new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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