I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
