i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
