Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
