i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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