farters have to be the big spoon...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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