just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
