Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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