Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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