my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
