Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
