anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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