hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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