Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
