The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
