I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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