dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
