Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
