i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
