You smell like stripper and shame
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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