nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
