Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
