You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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