That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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