do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Come on in and take your pants off
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