drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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