We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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