I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
