I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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