I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
