I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize