i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
