she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
BRING THE BAGELS
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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