I hate your face
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
