five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
