Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
