Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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