I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
