I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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