I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
