I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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