remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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