Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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