i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
