In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
