I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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