I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
