I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
