dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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