Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
