Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
