Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
