Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
