my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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