i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
