THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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