Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was like eating out sand paper
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You dont lie about slip and slides
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
