and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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