I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
