Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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