Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I didn't notice because vodka
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
