apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
