Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
