Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
