he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
