Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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