Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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