Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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