God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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