White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
